Dear Pretty Feet Pop Toe,
I should like to offer some kindly words of advice to you and your young chums regarding the appropriate action to be taken in a particular situation brought painfully to my attention just recently. Should you espy a person of distinguished maturity making sudden and inadvertent contact with the pavement, please note that before attempting to raise such a one to her feet – award generous points for style and technical ability.
My recent spontaneous swallow dive with pike and quarter twist may have been wanting in the artistic department (largely owing to a lack of preparation and being encumbered with bags for life), but my technical merit was indisputable. Had the young man who came to my aid declared loudly a ringing endorsement of my skills I’m sure the damage to my hands, knees and dignity would have seemed a mere bagatelle under the warm glow of public approbation.