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Yes Girl

Yes Man

Maybe say "no" to jumping off this

The film Yes Man is a silly film. It’s yet another excuse for Jim Carrey to pull worn out rubbery faced expressions and wave his limbs about in the manner of an epileptic squid sat on an ant’s nest (apologies to all epileptic squids for the unfavourable comparison to Jim Carrey). Nothing that we haven’t seen before in every one of his other films, (Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind excluded). It does, however, have one thing going for it, it echoes one of my favourite life mottos – Just say “yes!”

The film may have had some very idiotic antics that culminate in a nauseatingly happy ending but you know what, it’s not far from the truth with its message. By grabbing hold of “YES!” by it’s hairy danglers, I too have landed in some unexpected high jinx and so far I’ve survived with some cracking tales to tell.

I would like to lay down a huge disclaimer here. I’m not saying that people should reply in the affirmative to every offer going. I do not advocate saying yes to that “one last drink” before getting behind the wheel of a mechanical vehicle. I can also categorically state that no matter how many times you ask me, I shall always respond with a “no” when asked if I would like to put Jeremy Kyle (chief chav wrangler) on my television. The Jeremy Kyle Show and drink driving never end well for anyone although some might argue that witnessing a head-on collision by a speeding alcoholic is mildly preferable to watching the scum-parade on Kyle.

Saying “yes” to things isn’t always easy and I find my inner slob and latent wuss tendencies always give me the nagging feeling that I would be far better off having a nice cosy night in on the sofa, watching a film (possibly involving a gurning Jim Carrey) but I’ve learnt to fight that negative knee-jerk and my life has been that little bit spicier as a result.

When invited to join a social situation, you know, generally involving other members of the human race and possibly drinking booze or some other shared activity, you may think it’s going to be boring or you may think that you won’t know anyone to talk to. Say “yes”! It’s been on these nights that I’ve ended up having an absolute blast and even doing the following (not all at once, that would be one HELL of a night): dancing on a bar, meeting one of the greatest loves of my life, swinging upside down on a trapeze in someone’s living room, winning a weekend trip to Switzerland and also another to Italy, putting make-up on a transvestite, meeting Jarvis Cocker (not the same person), eating insect canapés (I can confirm that locusts don’t taste of much, they’re just all elbow)… and these were the night’s where I told myself I could always go home early if things got dull!

Other things I’ve experienced through putting to one side my superfluous hesitations include; pole dancing classes, afternoon tea at Buckingham Palace, purple hair (closely followed by a shaved head), walking through London dressed as a nun, watching open-air opera in rainy Trafalgar Square, taking part in a fashion show (all 5’3″ of me) and when asked if I would like to share a room with a male friend and two female strangers for 18 days, my better judgement would have said “no” but I didn’t give it a chance to pipe up and thus I had the Californian road trip of a life time (and three visits to Las Vegas in 1 year)!

I have been (un)fortunate enough to be asked out by some wholly inappropriate suitors and a more “sensible” person would have politely declined but not me! I’ve gone on those dates and I’ve suffered through them to come out the other side with hilarious tales of disastrous manners, appalling breath and even a man who turned up in a skin-tight see-through mesh t-shirt!!! More surprisingly than that (it was a shock, I can tell you. No man should arrive for a date showing more cleavage than his lady friend) was the time that a potential dud turned into a 2 year relationship!

This whole “yes” malarkey hasn’t been a total barrel of laughs though. I’ve ended up in some rather dark places and I don’t mean Bognor Regis,  although I have actually been there, having said “yes” to being a live-in carer. (It didn’t last. Apparently I’m not that caring).

The time I said “yes” to attending the Mr Gay UK contest some years back resulted in my being accused of an orgy with said gentlemen (ummm, I’m pretty sure I don’t have the right equipment to play sports with that particular team) and subsequently my place of employment said that they no longer wished to employ me. Ouch.

It was a horrific time and thankfully the accusation was, quite rightly, withdrawn but still, the job was gone and saying “yes” to a free night out didn’t seem like it had been such a clever thing to do after all. However, it was the loss of that job that gave me the kick up the posterior to move to London, the most wondrous place on earth, and for that I shall always be truly grateful. I also took away from that experience the thought that someone, somewhere thinks I was a hot enough woman to have been able to turn gay men straight, even if just for one night!

The most marvellous thing about saying “yes”, other than the legendary tales I shall be able to dine out on for the rest of my life, are the fabulous people I’ve met along the way. It’s a sickening way to finish up, a way usually reserved  for Hollywood, but I’m afraid it’s true. Saying “yes” has brought me laughter, travel to far flung places, celebrity encounters, bizarre life skills but most importantly, a wonderfully rich and diverse set of friends that I shall cherish long after my latest impetuous hair style has grown out.

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About prettyfeetpoptoe

I live in London and have both my own legs so I am fortunate enough to get out and about on occasion. I form many views on the things that I see and do and love nothing better than a session of linguistic gymnastics in order to share these views.

4 responses »

  1. You write like spaghetti junction. A tangled twist of tongue tying metaphors and similes, so stick that up your analogies.

    Reply
  2. At least you got SOMETHING from watching Carrey’s rubberfaced hi-jinks!
    Great post!

    Reply
    • I think we can all take something from watching that plastic chopped buffoon – a sense of relief that we can hold a conversation without having to gurn our way through it!

      Reply

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