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Save The Eyebrow – A PFPT Appeal

I’m not normally one to champion a cause or back a charity in so public a manner, but I feel very strongly about this. The humble eyebrow, that most elegant of fuzzy eye adornments, is currently under serious threat and it needs your help now!

The poor innocent eyebrow is just one of a growing number of body parts to suffer at the hands of vanity and its numbers dwindle, not just from the ravages of the zealous over-tweezerer (it is SO a word!), but it is also under attack from severe oil slicks of marker pen, which choke and pollute this poor furry creature’s natural habitat. Once a wild and proud animal, the eyebrow used to be free to roam about the foreheads of the human race, but civilisation brought with it a need to cull these feral beasts so people could see where they were going and whether or not the thing they were marrying was in fact a man, woman, wolf or haystack.

While a mild culling helped these hairy beings multiply in number by cleaving the monobrow into two fully functioning, domesticated facial frames, the humble tweezer became an addiction for some eyebrow owners and abuse has now become so commonplace that people even pay for their brows to be tortured with hot wax or a barbaric system of threads that rip the facial follicles from their perch. These humble conveyors of expression are thinning out faster than a McRainforest.

“Barbaric abuse”

While the crimes against eyebrows are primarily of the facial pillaging sort, there is another manner in which the human race has cruelly defiled the majestic brow beast. Allegedly called “The Scouse Brow“, more commonly known as choking your forehead in a layer of ink, some have taken up a fashion trend that is akin to wearing a giant panda as a hat. Not just because is it putting an endangered species at risk but also because it looks utterly ridiculous! What possible reason could anyone with a heart (or a brain) have for choking the elegant eyebrow to within an inch of its life by drawing a graffiti oil slick over the top of it, giving the impression the wearer has just entered into fisticuffs with a Sharpie marker pen and come out of it the losing party?

“Heartbreaking”

The loyal eyebrow sits patiently above each of its owner’s eyes, waiting for a saucy comment to cause it to sit up and beg, or for a terrible outfit to walk past, causing it to twitch judgementally, and there they do no harm, yet still the cruelty of man causes is to be shaved clean off and an imposter drawn crookedly, 2 inches higher than any brow should reside, resulting in the owner looking perpetually surprised, like they’ve just had a rhinestone brogue shoved up their bottom. I know that’s a terribly specific analogy but it’s a terribly specific facial expression.

“Tragic scene, all too common.”

Save The Eyebrow is a charity that has been started up to raise awareness of this humble face-nester’s plight and to stop the atrocities that humans inflict upon it. I’m not alone in my support for this worthy cause, very real famous celebrities have also spoken out about this facial travesty.

“It’s cruel, just cruel. Why, in my day, one flick of a brow could bring women’s panties crashing to the floor and now there’s just no respect. I owe everything to my brows. The left one alone paid for 2 of my houses. Save The Eyebrow is a very worthy cause and gets my full backing”  – Roger Moore

“If it hadn’t been for my hairy arches, I’d never have managed to snare the hunky magic munchkin Paul Daniels and then I’d never have been sawn in half while wearing a leotard with a white rabbit stuffed in my knickers – every girl’s dream career! Save The Eyebrow is such a good cause and I fully endorse it.” – Debbie McGee

“Yeeeeeaah maaaaan! F#*%£!g eyebrows, innit! Mad fer ’em. Support Save The f#*%£!g Eyebrow, totally!” – Liam Gallagher

“Save The Eyebrow? Yep, add it to the list of things I’ll bang on about allllll the time.” Sting, Bono and Bob Geldof

“What the…”

Just £1,726.00 a month will take a pair of tweezers out of action and help the clear up mission of a Sharpie spill. Your support is vital in ensuring the survival of this species in the wild, sitting proudly atop the faces of anyone who doesn’t want to look like a circus freak. Save The Eyebrow supports sustainable plucking and funds several educational centres around London (well, I point and laugh at people from my bar stool in various pubs). Don’t delay, send your payment today and the first 5 donors will receive a free gift (gifts may vary and recipients may want to scrape bin juice and potato peelings off them). Save The Eyebrow!

** If you haven’t had enough of me for one week, take a look at the marvellous Celebrity Biscuit Database, who graciously asked me to contribute some wittering**

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About prettyfeetpoptoe

I live in London and have both my own legs so I am fortunate enough to get out and about on occasion. I form many views on the things that I see and do and love nothing better than a session of linguistic gymnastics in order to share these views.

32 responses »

  1. Yes, tis a terrible travesty! I believe we need a ribbon to show support so everyone can put it on their twitter pic. Or Facebook. Don’t you think?

    (leave it to you to find hysterical humor in eyebrow tweezing!)

    Reply
    • If we have ribbons, they should be brown and preferably pinned in place on the faces of those missing their facial caterpillars!

      Facebook would go crazy for this!

      Reply
  2. Some of these eyebrow over-pluckers make me feel so sad for them.

    There was one young woman (about 20 y.o.) who worked in my local supermarket who had her eyebrows drawn on with a heavy black marker (her originals having been shaved off, I presume); I always wondered if she knew how awful it looked. But, then again, maybe that was part of the attraction, if she was into the gothic sub-culture mind-set of “us against the world” (or many other sub-cultures, for that matter).

    Of course, one could go the other way and increase the size of one’s eyebrows, like those women in Tajikistan who draw heavier eyebrows on themselves. See “Tajik Fashion: Women Accent Their Eyebrows” ( http://izismile.com/2010/12/06/tajik_fashion_women_accent_their_eyebrows_13_pics.html ) for some great pictures of this. Brilliant! Now I want to visit Tajikistan, just to be amazed by their eyebrows. 🙂

    Reply
  3. When they become back in fashion then I hope they will need eyebrow donations, like you can by selling your ponytails. I have an abundance of bushy eybrows and I could make quite a bit of cash

    Reply
  4. My goodness, humankind is really going backwards.

    Reply
  5. While I don’t care for my eyebrows, I would hate it if they were gone!
    Please save them for all of us who still love to express!
    Scott

    Reply
  6. I love my eyebrows. No one gets to touch them but me. I would be pissed off if someone messed up my eyebrows.

    Reply
  7. Missy Amber

    If you ever fancy setting up another fashion-based charity, please consider funding counselling sessions for those poor deluded lasses who think it’s okay to wear not quite opaque footless tights as trousers (especially accompanied by patterned undercrackers). Specific, yes. Necessary? Abso-chuffing-lutely!

    Reply
    • *Shudder* I try to block such atrocities from my mind. Flesh coloured cheap leggings are best consigned to shy drama students trying to convey nudity or sausages. I think an appeal may be too late for those poor deluded panty-flashers.

      Reply
  8. If there is a dinner party I hope it is black tie as it sounds by your many supporters to be a ‘ighbrow affair! 😉 (Why are there no emoticons with eyebrows? Another travesty to foist on the interweb!)

    Reply
    • Boom boom! Very clever.

      And yes, the tickets for this fundraiser start at £5,000.00 for a seat by the gent’s loos. I hope you like cheese on toast with salad cream!

      Reply
  9. The visuals really helped. My future sleepless night thanks you.

    Reply
  10. Palm…..meet forehead.

    Reply
  11. Good jolly, these are atrocious. Is this a specific English thing as most people I know in Australia still have their brows. Thank goodness.

    Reply
  12. This made me laugh! The whole ‘drawn-on’ eyebrow issue is highly hilarious. I quite often find myself looking at the ‘Poorly Dressed’ section of Memebase to brighten my lunchtimes with lol-worthy pictures of mutilated eyebrows. I would say however that the ONLY exception to this is the lovely Amanda Palmer, but then that girl does have some serious eyebrow talent, and even if she did just scrawl them on one day, I’m quite sure she would still look quite beautiful.

    Reply
  13. Dreadful! I fully endorse your charity too! Alas, I’ve left my cheque book at home…

    Reply
  14. I have precious little in the eyebrow as it is so when I see people doing this to themselves it makes me so sad 😦 and then there is my grandma who doesn’t even have eyebrows naturally so she does draw hers on, lightly of course – she just wants to have something, poor thing, who are these people?! What is wrong with them?! This is a charity I can fully endorse as well.

    Reply
    • Good for you! I look forward to your hearty donation. 😉

      My mother has eyebrows that look like they’ve been plucked every day of her life – never once seen a tweezer. I think that’s what’s called an evolutionary leap.

      Reply
  15. I have had trichotillomania for 36 of my 42 years (I pull all of my eyelashes/brows out). It sucks…sorry people like me freak you out and make you sick. I have other qualities that make up for my lack of hair here…

    Reply

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