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Another Letter From Mrs Cholmondeley-Warner (guest contribution)

Mrs Cholmondeley-Warner; Queen of fashion and cow kissing

Dear Miss Poptoe,

On the first occasion that I wrote to you, you responded by pointing out that I had committed a malapropism when I inadvertently addressed you as “Miss Peeptoe”. I had advised you that such flibberty gibberty footwear is inappropriate for the inclement autumnal weather, and this advice is still pertinent.

May I suggest that you despatch your abigail to the gun room where she will find, amidst the shooting sticks, Labradors and game keepers, the stout brogues and galoshes that I sent you last winter. I do understand that these are not the instinctive apparel of choice de nos jours for you skittish young things, and everyone to their own taste as the old woman said as she kissed the cow, so I’ll say no more on that subject.

I am, of course, presuming that you are conversant with the term ‘peeptoe’. It was a mode of shoe that was popular in my girlhood’s summer days, as its open fronted style had a cooling effect on the foot. Some of the giddier amongst us increased the aerating properties by (and I write the following in hushed tones) removing our hosiery, thus exposing their bare toes to the astonished gaze of their escorts. Of course those who more chastely remained fully clad were in danger of suffering the embarrassment of a “poptoe”. This lamentable condition arose when lax pedicures caused the toes to protrude obscenely through the silk – urgh! I shudder at the very thought, so no more.

I should remark that your great aunt is knitting you a pair of serviceable ribbed woollen half-hose to wear with the brogues. Goodness me, this leg wear evokes fond memories of a period in my youth, but I’ll keep them for another time.

Respectfully yours,

Mrs Cholmondeley-Warner


About prettyfeetpoptoe

I live in London and have both my own legs so I am fortunate enough to get out and about on occasion. I form many views on the things that I see and do and love nothing better than a session of linguistic gymnastics in order to share these views.

15 responses »

  1. ok …. what?!!?

  2. Once upon a time, it was considered risque for young ladies to expose their ankles while courting. I’m fascinated by the fresh yesteryear take on such feet etiquette – as I do have a bit of a passing fetish in such things – and wonder where this will all lead to from today’s conventions as set by Jimmy Choo, Lady GaGa and commentators that graft cutesy lexicon like ‘Pretty Feet, Pop Toe’ to blogs of all things!

    • Mrs Cholmondeley Warner

      Dear JamesW, I am gratified to have piqued your interest. I should have replied sooner but my useful young person was commanding my attention with his divine foot massage.How kind he is with his generous interpretation of the biology of the foot.

  3. The pop-toe, is after all, a lewd misfortune that requires immediate attention. . .

  4. I like the Chummy Warnings about the dressing for the weather. I rather think that the ones from my great aunts would be phrased in different terms, especially by the Canadian aunts. She seems a dear old stick. You are lucky to have her. I won’t smiley face as that probably would be irritating to her.

    • Mrs Cholmondeley Warner

      It would indeed. Your Canadian aunts are probably ladies after my own heart…we could no doubt converse at length on the merits of liberty bodices and flannel combinations.

  5. “…This lamentable condition arose when lax pedicures caused the toes to protrude obscenely through the silk – urgh! I shudder at the very thought, so no more.”

    I was going to ask if Mrs Cholmondeley-Warner would mind guest-posting on my blog (I like her style), but then I read this. If she shudders at the thought of obscenely-protruding toes, I can only imagine what would happen if she saw my “cameltoe art”.

    • Mrs Cholmondeley Warner

      My dear young thing, cameltoe art is close to my heart. When I was in the desert the indigenous tribes initiated me into this fascinating branch of visual delights, and had my useful person been on hand to guide me through the intricacies of my computer I could have sent you a sample of my work.

  6. If I hadn’t been lucky enough to have a capsule of smelling salts handy while I read this I shudder to think how long it would have been before someone found me unconscious on the peep toe shoe store.

  7. Mrs Cholmondeley Warner

    Oh my giddy aunt! To think of you in a peep toe shoe shop at this time of year gives me quite a turn. Did your dear mamma teach you nothing about seasonal maladies to be engendered by inappropriate dressing?

  8. Dearest Mrs. Cholmondeley Warner,

    Thank you for again being the voice of reason and virtue. Young women today seem to have disregarded all the rules of modesty and good taste. Not only do they now wear white after Labor Day, but they expose clevage and bare legs throughout the year. Whatever is the world coming to?

    It is good to know there is yet one voice crying out in this wilderness of impropriety. I eagerly await your next guest post.

    Miss Demure Restraint

  9. Mrs Cholmondeley Warner

    My dear young thing, you are too too kind . It is a source of satisfaction to me that I am not a lone voice speaking to the void and that my well intentioned advice is not falling on deaf ears. A bientot, Mrs C W


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